You may also be interested in our pages: What is Empathy? and Understanding Others.Do you want unlimited and ad-free access? Find out more Kolb Reflective Cycle and diversityĭavid Kolb discovered that people are inclined to particularly develop the learning phase they are good at. It links the content and feeling components of what the speaker has said. Reflecting meaning allows the listener to reflect the speaker's experiences and emotional response to those experiences. One minute he says one thing and the next minute he says the opposite.” Reflecting needs to combine content and feeling to truly reflect the meaning of what the speaker has said. The listener must have the ability to identify such feelings both from the words and the non-verbal cues, for example body language, tone of voice, etc.Īs well as considering which emotions the speaker is feeling, the listener needs to reflect the degree of intensity of these emotions. This helps the speaker to own and accept their own feelings, for quite often a speaker may talk about them as though they belong to someone else, for example using “you feel guilty” rather than “I feel guilty.”Ī skilled listener will be able to reflect a speaker's feelings from body cues (non-verbal) as well as verbal messages. It is sometimes not appropriate to ask such direct questions as “How does that make you feel?” Strong emotions such as love and hate are easy to identify, whereas feelings such as affection, guilt and confusion are much more subtle. Reflecting content helps to give focus to the situation but, at the same time, it is also essential to reflect the feelings and emotions expressed in order to more fully understand the message. The most immediate part of a speaker's message is the content, in other words those aspects dealing with information, actions, events and experience, as verbalised by them. It is very difficult to resist the temptation to ask questions and when this technique is first used, reflecting can seem very stilted and unnatural. You need to practice this skill in order to feel comfortable. Your responses should be non-directive and non-judgemental. When paraphrasing, it is of utmost importance that you do not introduce your own ideas or question the speakers thoughts, feelings or actions. It is often the case that people 'hear what they expect to hear' due to assumptions, stereotyping or prejudices. Paraphrasing shows not only that you are listening, but that you are attempting to understand what the speaker is saying. Paraphrasing involves using other words to reflect what the speaker has said. Be aware not to over mirror as this can become irritating and therefore a distraction from the message. This shows you are trying to understand the speakers terms of reference and acts as a prompt for him or her to continue. It is usually enough to just repeat key words or the last few words spoken. Mirroring is a simple form of reflecting and involves repeating almost exactly what the speaker says. Two Main Techniques of Reflecting: Mirroring This in turn helps them to direct their thoughts and further encourages them to continue speaking. Speakers are helped through reflecting as it not only allows them to feel understood, but it also gives them the opportunity to focus their ideas. Reflecting does not involve you asking questions, introducing a new topic or leading the conversation in another direction. To show the speaker that you are trying to perceive the world as they see it and that you are doing your best to understand their messages.To allow the speaker to 'hear' their own thoughts and to focus on what they say and feel.Reflecting is the process of paraphrasing and restating both the feelings and words of the speaker. It is often important that you and the speaker agree that what you understand is a true representation of what was meant to be said.Īs well as understanding and reflecting the verbal messages of the speaker it is important to try to understand the emotions - this page explains how to use reflection effectively to help you build greater understanding of not only what is being said but the content, feeling and meaning of messages. Therefore, as an extension of good listening skills, you need to develop the ability to reflect words and feelings and to clarify that you have understood them correctly. However good you think your listening skills are, the only person who can tell you if you have understood correctly or not is the speaker.
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